It's a Twister
by Mouse

2:30 PM

November 15th, 2005

Somewhere in Iowa

Local residences in this small town were witness to a horrific tornado that leveled the trailer park in wich they lived. Here now is an account from one of the survivors of this most devastating tornado, Richard Pacanass:

Well I was just leading the cows back from the pasture because the of the impending storm when the sky grew dark and the clouds started tumbling like my fat aunt Gina trying to put on her too small ‘going dancing’ jeans.  Just rolling back and forth making fat on fat noises.  Well the clouds started to spin clockwise and come closer to my heard. 

I started to move the cows as fast as I could towards the gully at the eastern edge of the farm.  I got most to the safety of the low spot but I noticed one cow milling about right plumb in the path of the twister. 

It was one of my retarded cows so I knew it was a goner.  The cow looked up at me, still chewing, and we locked eyes.  Suddenly it was swooped up in the funnel and started spinning around like my baby sister does on the pole down at the strip club/bowling ally my uncle owns.

I watched the funnel head straight towards the trailer park I live at but I couldn't do a thing.  There have been several generations of inbreeding in that trailer park so none of the people had the sense to scramble for safety. They just stood there pointing and chanting ‘Here comes dinner! Here comes dinner!’ I guess they were fixated on the flying cow and didn't notice it was being propelled by a tornado. 

The pressure of the funnel cloud exploded all the windows and picked up every last vehicle and trailer and threw them like fried chicken bones at an after party on weight watchers weigh in night.  Miraculously all the trailer folk grabbed a hold of the cow and stayed anchored in the middle of the park.

When the storm died down the trailer folk started to sift through the rubble, looking for charcoal, cigarettes and beer.

back to Debbie Likes 2 Read